Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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