Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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