when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
