My friends, they love my intelligence
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
