i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm passing your future prison.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My life is pants optional.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
