Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
