i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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