Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
