it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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