Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
