these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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