well I can't set my house on fire every night
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
