I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Please don't give away my fajitas
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
