Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the day after is always just damage control
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
