you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
