Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
