I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize