are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
