If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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