If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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