Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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