im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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