U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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