I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
