so that wasnt chicken after all
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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