I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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