Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
