I just threw up on my dentist
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
