Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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