im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
