I seem to have left my pride at pride
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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