I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Come see our sink grown plant.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
