"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
