every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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