Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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