Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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