This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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