i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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