But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
