Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
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mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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