Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
