I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
