What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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