I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
