I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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