i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
