Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
