im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
