Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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