i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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