and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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