you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
