Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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