I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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