I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
