i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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