She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
