Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
