I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
