So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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