So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
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you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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