Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
