Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
