Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I forgot wine drunk hurts
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
