I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
