Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
