we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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