you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
