Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
